Rules for making Indian Movies
1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
- die
- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie
- they will fight each other savegely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

3. Any court scene will have the dialogue
- "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained.
    Else, it will be overruled.

4. The hero's sister
- will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero).
- Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.


5. In a chase,
- the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

6. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
- miss
- run out of bullets.
7. When the villain fires at the hero, he will
- always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule).


8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
- pots
- barrels
- glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

9. Any movie involving lost+found brothers will have a song sung by
- the brothers
- their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in theclimax)
- the family dog/cat.

The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie,and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.

10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:
- Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father , killed by the villain before the titles.
- Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (asin rule), saying
"Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23.Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the
anti-hero.
- The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax.

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